just a bit of fun 9

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

"What in bag?" asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said: "Good trade...."

A very loud, greasy, unattractive, tattooed, chav, minger, woman wearing a Celtic top walked into ASDA in Castlemilk (a sprawling council

estate on Glasgow's south side) with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The ASDA greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning madam, and welcome to ASDA. Nice children you have there. Are they twins by any chance?'

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'F*ck naw, they're nae twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.

Why the f*ck would you think they're twins? Are you blind, thick or just stupid?'

'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam,'replied the greeter. 'I just couldn't believe you've been shagged twice.

Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at ASDA.'

For those of you who missed church on Sunday, here is a recap!

Four worms and a lesson to be learned ... A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead

The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead

Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead

Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation - What did you learn from this demonstration???

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'

That pretty much ended the service

I guess we all need a few laughs in this time of financial turmoil. turmoil. I was at my bank today; there was a short line.. Just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.

It was obvious she was a little irritated. . . She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen.

Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?'

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations.' The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people too!'

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A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. 'Breast-fed,' she replied.

'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight.

You don't have any milk.' I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.'